Buddha's Belly

Would you look at that? I didn't even have to come up with my own blog post name that's vaguely offensive to a minority because the restaurant did it for me! Woooooo!

Today's lunch, as you've noticed, was from Buddha's Belly which is, of course, an Indian food restaurant... Or a Japanese place? But with vaguely Thai influences as well? I don't know. It was a classic American thing to do: take a bunch of cuisines and cultures that are distinct and wonderful in their own right, then mash them all up and claim it's better. I'm not saying it was bad; it was in fact very good. What I am saying is I'm against America. Wait that came out wrong, what I mean is when shit like this happens (you know, throwing a blanket term over an entire continent of cultures, like "Asian") I just don't feel proud to be an American. Oh fuck, Cindy McCain just went on CNN to tell everyone that she has always been proud to be an American, that she loves Buddha Belly, and that they should all read her own, very American blog: "Cindy Eats."

Anyway, back to the food... I had Japanese Style Baked Alaskan Black Cod, which was absolutely fantastic. The plating was wonderful (thank you Kristin, the lovely and talented lady who always sets out our food at Final Cut) but the real accomplishment of the meal was the mixture of flavors. They give you like 5 different things, and if you just mix them all together its absolutely fantastic. Wonderful variety. I felt like I was back in 7th grade and had just discovered I could Ask Jeeves to find pictures of boobs: "Wait... All these are for me?!? Thank you Jeeves, thank you!"

I do question the preparation of the edamame however. Now, you can blame me for ordering edamame for take out, which is valid. It's like a really yappy dog or your mother-in-law, it doesn't travel well. I however, blame the restaurant for not salting the stuff beforehand. If you don't want the salt and it's there, you don't have to awkwardly suck the outside of the pods. However, if you do want the salt and it isn't there, you're screwed. Now, don't tell me I could salt it myself, because that's crap. You and I both know the salt on the edamame at sushi places is some special, extra delicious salt. Despite what you might have heard or seen on the Internet, I don't suck the salt off of anything else. Edamame is it. I want the special salt. I need it. And you, Buddha Belly, deprived me of that.

Despite their salt hording ways and their apparent ideological similarities with Rush Limbaugh, Buddha's Belly's cod was good enough to leave me incredibly satisfied. Order it and you won't be disappointed. Now I've got to run, I hear a helicopter hovering above Final Cut and I'm pretty sure it's Sarah Palin and her prego daughter come to hunt my American hating ass down like all those American hating wolves in Alaska.

Sandwiches are beautiful...

When I was a young lad there was this crazy kids musician my parents used to play for my brothers and me; Fred Penner was his name. Fred's biggest hit was a lovely ditty called "Sandwiches are Beautiful", and if I'm not mistaken that song went something like this:

"Sandwiches are beautiful
Sandwiches are fine
I like sandwiches I eat them all the time
I eat them for my breakfast and I eat them for my lunch
If I had a hundred sandwiches I'd eat them all at once..."

It has now recently come to my attention that Fred is from America's Hat; that's right Fred is Canadian! Regardless, I couldn't agree more with that crazy hockey loving kids song singing weirdo. Sandwiches are a great, compact way to eat a bunch of different things, all in one neat little package. Unless you get a messy sandwich...

Which brings us to yesterday's lunch. Earth, Wind, and Flour serves pasta, pizza, and yes, sandwiches. The pesto pasta we had yesterday with our lunch was fantastic, light and green and delicious, as was the salad, but the real star was the sandwiches so lets get to those.

The Cold Cut Trio: I haven't the slightest clue what the trio entails, but I know one third of it was bologna. Which begs the question: what is bologna? Well, I looked it up, but didn't get farther than the phrase "Bologna sausage is generally made from low quality scraps of meat cuts" before I wanted to puke. Suffice it to say, I whole heartedly enjoyed this sandwich, despite the bologna, and that means it must've been spectacular in all other facets.

Turkey Avocado: Here comes the difficult part to assess. The sandwich as a whole was very good, but the avocado, as it tends to do, was being difficult. Avocado not staying in place, leading to alternating bites off all turkey and all 'cado (that's right I'm from the hood, what of it?). Avocado sliding out the sides, so I was forced to attack it like the new girl on a porn shoot -- "just open your mouth, it'll fit!" It was a messy way to eat a sandwich, to say the least, but the payoff was one last bite off turkey & avocadoey goodness. If you have no shame, definitely worth it.

All in all, this simply reaffirmed my faith in sandwiches, and Canadians. Thanks Fred Penner.

If you want people to treat you well, treat yourself well

So the Buddha appeared to me last night and said, "Hey man, you need to stop eating salami and pretzels and start respecting your body." And I said, "Hey man, why are you wearing a dress and get the hell out of my apartment." I think my slim chances for heaven just got slimmer, but so did my waist because I heeded the old bald guy's words and ate some better food for the day.

Once again, the day was spent in the lovely confines of Final Cut in Santa Monica, where the people are friendly but the dogs aren't (I don't think they like me so much).

Breakfast: a banana and a balance bar. Lots of "B"s. The banana was a standard banana, so it was mildly enjoyable, but like any banana it's a potential disaster. Have you ever bit into a mushy, dark part of a banana? Because a banana is bordering on baby food as it is. And to make it mushier? Disgusting. Risky breakfast food. Early in the morning, kinda groggy, distracted by a dog that doesn't like you and BAM you're eating extra mushy gerber before you know it. As for the balance bar, lets just say it could use some flavor, any flavor.

Lunch: a crab quesadilla and some soup. Might not sound too healthy, but it was ordered from a vaguely vegan and / or organic kitchen, the Interim Cafe, so even if it doesn't sound good for me it probably is by association. Hanging out with vegan cuisine either made my food healthier, or having to put up with uppity vegans annoyed my meal and convinced it that being healthy is not worth being a d-bag. Just to recap, the meal is either healthy or right, so I'm cool with it either way.

Snack time: bell peppers, cherry tomatoes, carrots, and hummus. This is one spot where the hippies got something right. As snacks go, mashed up garbanzo beans are so shockingly delicious it's borderline absurd. The gap between the concept and the actual result for hummus may be the widest one I know, or at least a close second to sushi (Let's wrap this fish in rice and not cook it!)

So a day of healthy eating resulted in this: I'm still kinda hungry, but I've lost 14 pounds and added 4 inches to my vert. Also, by my logic I've still got 4000 calories left in my daily diet, so to the bar I go! We'll see if I still pass on the cured meats after my 17th jack and diet coke (I am watching my weight, after all). Also, It only took 9 margaritas for me to discuss life with the Buddha last night, so by my logic I should get a visit from Jesus AND Harry Carey tonight. I'll let you know what they have to say tomorrow, but I'm hoping for something like this:

The J-Man: Hi, I'm Jesus Christ.
Harry Carey: Jesus Christ?!? That's Tirk Suesegh backwards! Cheers Tirk!

Carribean food with a Vaguely Annoying Name

So my tour of the best island cuisine Santa Monica has to offer continued today, this time with Cha Cha Chicken providing the food and Final Cut providing the hospitality. The Spicy Black Pepper Shrimp proved to be quite delicious, and luckily most of the meals are served with rice and beans, plantains, and some radishy thing because the good folks at Cha Cha neglected to include enough Shrimp to satisfy your average 3 year old's hunger, let alone a grown man.

Four shrimp? Four shrimp are an appropriate portion on an appetizer sampler tray with three other seafood options included. Four shrimp are a very good day for Forest Gump (pre-Hurricane, of course). Four shrimp are a nice snack for a new born baby shark. Four shrimp are not, however, an entire meal for a human being. The day was saved, however, by the myriad snack options provided by our gracious hosts, included the most amazing creation since the good Lord made women out of a rib...

Peanut Butter filled Pretzels.

How do they do it? Little pretzel shells filled with creamy, delicious peanut butter. Is it science? Is it magic? Are there elves slaving away in the basement of Final Cut, stuffing otherwise boring pretzels with magical, delightful peanut butter? I don't know how they do it, but I'm going to treat it like the new found perkiness of a lady wearing a push up bra. I don't know what happened or where these delightful little things came from, but I'm happy they're here and I'll leave it at that.

Carribean food with a Vaguely Indian Name

So, I just lunched at Cosmo Street Editorial with the lovely women of Shortlist Reps. We had Babaloo, which is not a character from the jungle book but rather a Caribbean food place somewhere in the Santa Monica area. Everything was delicious, I would especially recommend the Ahi Tuna Sandwich, which has that weird Ahi Tuna taste that you don't quite understand but you know it's good because your uppity friends told you that that is the mark of good Ahi Tuna. Don't shake your head, you know exactly what I mean.

The real winners here though are aficionados of canned beverages. There are two refrigerators dedicated to soft drinks and they have anything you could ever want. I had a Hawaiian Punch for the first time since I was seven (my mom stopped letting me have them after I drank a whole jug and then ran through a wall, only to return 3 days later in tattered clothes mumbling about running with the wolves and demanding more Red Goodness). The selection is mind blowing; any soft drink you've ever wanted, including three sodas that are banned in the states.

All in all, I give the dining experience at Cosmo Street / Shortlist a big thumbs up. The food was wonderful, but it really doesn't matter: I would eat a piece of wood if I could chase it down with Hawaiian Punch. Now if you'll excuse me, I think I just saw one of the editor's kids take the last HP; I'm going to steal it right out of his little hand, grab his Big Wheel Tricycle, and make my break for it.